How quickly we lose sight of what He has done for us. Have you ever felt as though He isn’t there – though you know He is? This transition has been a very difficult one. Though we saw many miracles in our “exodus”, I find myself lately, crying out, ‘where are you Abba?’ I mean how can I utter those words, knowing what He had just brought us through to get us here?
I am beginning to understand how the children of Israel felt in the wilderness, crying out; ‘have You abandoned us?’, ‘have You left us?’ Though they were just delivered by Yahuweh’s mighty outstretched Arm, they looked around and wondered where He was.
How selfish we are sometimes. The constant need of assurance that He is there right beside us, never leaving us. Messiah said, ‘I will never leave you nor forsake you.’ Is that statement based upon our natural feelings, or His almighty promise and track record of faithfulness?
This blog is not about how ‘together’ we have it on the surface, but the hidden depths of using our ‘realness’ and ‘weakness’ to help expose what walking with Father is all about. We are learning that in order to truly worship Abba Yahuweh, our pride must be crushed. What is pride? Merely thinking that we can do something on our own without His help. Our hearts are to lead people back Home again – how can we do that if the signs we hold up are signs of pretending? It is in realness that truth dwells. So it is in realness, that He can use us to help lead others back to Himself.
I am experiencing times when He seems far away. I don’t “feel Him”, I don’t “hear Him”, yet I know within my spirit that He is there. Sometimes He has to let go and let us free-fall, for us to see who we were really holding on to. If He doesn’t “let go” in our walk with Him at times, how will we ever know where our strength lies or in whom it lies? It is in the times when He seems to withdraw from us, that our true inward weaknesses are exposed. If we are never tested, how can the silver be purified?
I want this blog, this site, this ministry, and my life to be real, no sugar coating, or plastic ware. It’s been an uphill climb since our move – I will be honest. I have found myself many times crying out ‘show Yourself Abba? and ‘please… don’t leave me’. The natural impact of relocating and all of the barriers that come with it, is more than enough. But when you add the lies and deceptions the enemy pours into your thoughts on a daily basis, it is overwhelming.
I know His purpose for us. I know His will for us. I know our role here on earth – for this specific hour. I know these things, and I do not regret the decision we have made. However, when it “feels” like He is distant; a million miles away, the purposes and plans – the energetic drive to reach out beyond oneself becomes an empty mist – a cloud that makes us think He has hidden Himself from us.
As I sat in our living room one morning last week around 5:00 am, I looked out our large, floor to ceiling bay windows. From this view, you can see the beautiful mountains that stretch as far as the eye can see. However, that morning (as many mornings like it), the clouds had drifted in and were so thick, you could not see the mountains I knew were there. The clouds do not stay for any great length of time, because the wind comes and blows them along, drying up their damp interior and causing them to dissipate right before your eyes.
I sat there for a long time and watched as the wind began to blow. The clouds began to move and the blind whiteness of the fog started to disappear. The clouds that had moved in, were now receding all the way back, miles upon miles, beyond the mountains. Before I knew it, I watched as the last bit of cloudy mist disappeared, and the mountains that I knew were there, became clear once again.
As I meditated upon this, with a mind full of questions and wondering, I began to see what He wanted me to see.
Though I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt, the mountains were out there somewhere, hidden briefly by the whiteness of dense clouds; that eventually, the wind would begin to blow and what was hidden would become clear again.
If we wait long enough to see what we know is in our spirit – His Wind, His Spirit, will begin to blow the clouds, drying up the moisture, wicking away the tears, until behold; the majestic mountains that were there all along, make themselves known. The grandeur of our majestic Father is always there, but there are times when the blindness to His beauty, through testing and trials, causes us to find out where are trust really lies and whose “beauty” we have been gazing upon all along. It is in the times when He allows Himself to be hidden for a season, that we really get a good view of how blind and naked we really are.
He is always there, however by His gentle testing or by our own choices, the whiteness of the clouds in our lives reminds us that we are frail and weak; stumbling around in an endless effort to find our way. He doesn’t leave us in the dark, though He does “blind” us occasionally from Himself for us to realize that it is not within us to guide our own way, but to be patient and wait upon Him. If we are not blinded from seeing Him at times in our lives, how can the works of Elohim be manifested within us? (John 9)
For if we wait out the blindness, crying out to Him for help, His Spirit will begin to blow, and the clarity of His presence whispers to us that He was always there, waiting for us to stop relying upon our own ability to see into the dense fog.
It is in our trust of the Known, that we wait out the blindness, so that His mountain of faithfulness can be made clear; reassuring us that though we cannot see for a while, His faithfulness remains forever.
Stay glued to the Known – recall His faithfulness – endure to the end!
To Him Who sees tomorrow – Praise His Majestic Name!
To you this day…
I waited, waited for יהוה; And He inclined to me, and heard my cry. And He drew me Out of the pit of destruction, Out of the muddy clay, And He set my feet upon a rock, He is establishing my steps.